dreams of a pretty place far far away

recently i’ve been in this vicious cycle of feeling really sleepy starting from 9pm at night. i’ll just lie on the sofa, thinking “ok i’ll have a 20 min nap and wake up to do my essay/worksheet/revision” and end up sleeping all the way to 11pm and wake up to the sounds of my mom’s hollering and stumble into the shower, and then flop down on the bed, feeling like i have no energy left whatsoever. and i always feel super hungry and grumpy after i wake up.

the week’s been pretty okay. oh and did i mention, i’m a new hl3 math class now. sian, i liked my old class, sunil dutt’s indian accent was cute/entertaining and the people were really funny but focused. well, that might be due to the fact that 50% of the class was made up of scholars, so the atmosphere was condusive for learning. at least the new class is smaller so we’ll get more individual attention, and i think that helps a lot. also, the reminder of impending doom, otherwise known as the chinese a2 written task (which can be considered as a freaking ia on its own), is inching closer by the hour, and so has the prospect of the oral recording. sometimes i wonder why i’m making life so difficult for myself. and and then at other times i remember, at the back of my mind, that i wanted a challenge. being laidback, however, with sporadic inclinations to be excited about life, challenges don’t suit me. at the end of the day i’m just another one of those lazy, anonymous people watching life zoom past with no intention of moving, on the pavement.

speaking of anonymous observers, i don’t see the point in some of the things many people do in several different contexts. for example, that “cool to be dumb” ethos many people in school seem to embody. you go to school to get an education, not to waste time pretending to be stupid so people won’t think you’re a nerd. i really pity people like that. it’s like the actual person is really smart, but somehow when you talk to him/her, he/she puts herself across as a complete dumbass/bimbo, incapable of sustaining a normal conversation beyond the mandatory airhead gasp of “OMG!! hi!!!11111shifteleven” it’s not that i condemn fun, i condone it, but certain people seem to take the idea overboard, turning it into some warped concept of their life motto, ultimately wrecking their future by wasting their lives away, and ending up with a bad, low-paying job or even worse, a dropout and/or detainee.

There’s an old saying: ‘For want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost. For want of a horseshoe, the steed was lost. For want of a steed, the message was not delivered. For want of an undelivered message, the war was lost.’ (i admit, i was watching 2 fast 2 furious on cinemax just now :P) this quote describes the situation exactly. one small thing turns into the next, and then that snowballs, and before you know it, you’re rolling down the mountain and falling off the cliff. moral of the story: stupidity is not desirable, forced stupidity is just stupid.

i don’t want pretend to be a know-it-all, or some sort of smart intellectual grammar nazi-type of person, but really, i can’t stand the attitude some people have. in addition to not being able to talk normally to a person with a normal iq (probably only to people with a iq less than 10), they complain that they don’t do well in school and whine all day, but make no move to improve or buck up. um, like hello. do you expect brains to drop into your skull from the sky just by wishing for it? or do you think you can get good grades just by glancing at the textbook or writing your name on the worksheet and leaving it as that? seriously, unless you’re born with intrinstic geniousity, you’re not going to succeed without putting in effort. how long are they going to take till they realise this?

i’m not talking about anyone specifically here, but something someone recently told me led me to think about this. God is fair. people will get what they deserve; those that don’t deserve anything, will get their comeuppance.