sigh. i deleted all i wanted to say and tried to start again, but ran out of words.
Filed under: daily, rambling, reflective | Tags: emo, friends, future, life, school
school today was pretty slack, no hl1 nor hl2 so i was trying to read up shakespeare in the library (but they don’t really have any 12th night/king lear specific books other than the actual plays though). met some people who were prepping for ioc, and who also had mad ninja “skillz” in terms of spotting extracts. haha. then pam came along with yuechin and ruthi after a while. they were gushing over this haston blumenthal guy who makes uber exotic ice cream flavours like olive oil, bacon and ham… etc. well, it’s pretty interesting but i don’t think i eat any anytime soon. i’ll stick to the 70% dark chocolate magnum popsicles thank you. haha!
then i went for this talk given by ex-acsi student who went to study in uk! it was pretty interesting. i liked how the guy from imperial college made his life sound so easy (“i don’t go for any lectures and i only do one tutorial a week”) but turned out to be the top in the faculty or something. oxford seemed really nice though, from the way the 2 girls introduced it, although the tuition+living expenses will prbably cost a reaaaaaaaal pretty penny. and i mean like cost an arm and leg pretty penny. not to mention they have to cycle everywhere on campus (yikes). well at least i’ll be able to learn how to cycle (champion go oxord to learn how to cycle around the colleges). PLUS it seems suitable for quirky (read: weird) people like me haha. oh wellos, if by any chance i find a great pot of gold at the end of a rainbow or strike lottery i’ll go there.
oh oh i forgot to mention the coolio interview process the applicants have to o through for oxbridge. instead of asking you to wax lyrical about your non-existent leadership and whatever skills, and your sudden love for the university in question (coughAMERICA), they put you through a test to see how motivated you are to learn. like for example the law interview they give you this portfolio/briefcase full of legal documents and you have to read it, and then you enter the room with the professors and they start to ask you to explain your views on the various verdicts and decisions given by the judges and jury respectively, a la actual tutorial style. i’ll most prolly fail the test though! i can imagine myself uttering some incoherent rubbish due to butterflies in the stomach, haha. plus i won’t be able to explain my viewpoint well, since my persuasion skills are like, zilch. ugh so fail. time for a boston legal marathon to up my relevance factor haha (except now in boston legal they focus more on office politics than scenes involving actual litigation, so naaaah)
and i started out this post to write about something else, but i guess it just diffused out of me as i was typing it. because suddenly i’m seeing the big picture of things (with all this uni talk), and what i wanted to say at first became stupid in comparison. but i’ll admit it sent a chill down my spine when the thought occured to me then. i felt so… lost. and disappointed. and slightly angry. but i’m harping on things up there in the air again, so… i guess i’ll just leave it.
p.s. i need to learn how to maintain a poker face, cuz that’s what i need
bc is a sad sad girl. she should just change her name to bs (bao sad) and creep through life via capillary action and be bombarded by an inert gas in a hollow cathode lamp. so sad because she is nocturnal and can only concentrate at night and wake up at 2pm with eyebags the size of russia and mope around the house.
boohoo i’m sad cos… roar (words fail me)
bye can’t type coherently
p.s. i wish i could go to bryant park…! if only i ooze creativity and sophistication (and the craftsmanship skills)
p.p.s. happy birthday 18th ming!! dunno if you’ll see this but sorry im kinda late!
if i could use one word to describe my life and achievements from the start of secondary school till now, it would be “half-assed”. it all boils down to your attitude – you’re afraid of failure so you never really try in the first place cos crashing right down into the ground after trying to jump up to grab that rope (just like in ninja warrior, ha) doesn’t feel nice. in fact, it down right hurts. soooo what’s the point of saying this? when i see people with real dreams and aspirations, i feel so sad for myself because i’ve never really wanted anything for me, like truly, for myself. all my goals are not really my goals. right now i’m so scared i’ll be miserable for the rest of my life because i’ll succeed (or fail, either way) in the wrong path.
what’s better, feeling miserable but warm and fed for the rest of your life, or live to the fullest and pursue your dreams but crash prematurely at anytime?
